The World is Cruel
by blueskies723
Summary: Last Book of the Alex Series. Sarah Cabot heads off to college, but doesn't want to. This isn't the only thing she doesn't want, and what she got brings Alex back to old memories. Disclaimer and Author's note inside.
1. Years Later

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Alex Cabot, but I do own the rest of the family and any made up character in this book.

**Author's Note: **You didn't expect a fourth book of the Alex Series, did you? I'm guessing that 90 percent of you did not. Well, my old computer crashed and that's where I saved it. So I had to start from the very beginning. I think this one is better though, so hopefully you'll enjoy. Also, don't forget that **1)** There's the October awards! Read and comment on your favorites to see which ones will be recognized on my profile November 1st and **2)** I'll be starting the sequel of Sweet Revenge shortly! I did write it in one night, but I only liked parts of it. If you only like parts, then there's no point.

Okay,Read and enjoy :)

-blueskies723

* * *

A few years later, Alex's family has been the typical and crazy family that you could only find in New York City.

Alex was starting dinner in the kitchen when her youngest, Emily, ran into the kitchen.

"Mamma! Why is Sarah leaving?" the toddler asked. Alex turned around to see her daughter standing next to her.

"I thought we went over that, Em. Your sister is going off to college."

"But I don't want her to leave!" Emily screamed as she ran out of the kitchen. Alex thought that it would be the last of commotion, but she was wrong. When she was putting pasta in a boiling pot of hot water, she heard her daughters screaming.

"Emily! Stop throwing my stuff around the room!"

"You don't go! You don't go!"

Suddenly, Alex hear a loud crash. She ran out of the kitchen and flew into Sarah's room. She saw Emily on the floor, crying loudly.

"What the heck is going on in here?" Alex asked

"Emily was throwing my stuff around, and when she was running to put everything back, she tripped over my shoes and hit her head on my desk" Sarah explained.

"It hurts!"

Alex ran over, scooped Emily in her arms, and picked her up.

"Your head hurts?"

"Yeah"

"What did Mommy tell you about running in the house?" Alex said

"You said not to..."

"Right..."

"But Mamma! Sarah's leaving!"

"I may be leaving, but it's not like I'm going to Alaska"

"Where that?" Emily said as Alex turned to Sarah.

"That's a state far away from here. You wouldn't be seeing me for a long time if I went there" Sarah said as she started picking up her stuff. Emily started to cry again, and Alex gave her oldest daughter a glare.

"You're not helping"

"Mom, she wasn't helping me pack" Sarah said as she stuffed her clothes in a duffel bag "Do you really think I would be able to tell my almost four year old sister that I'm leaving, but I'll be back in a week?"

"Uh, I don't mean to interrupt..."

Alex and Sarah turned to see Daniel at the doorway.

"Is there any way I can hang out with a few friends tonight?" Daniel asked

"If it was any other night but tonight, I'd say yes. But..."

"Mom, everyone's going out tonight!"

"And I'm leaving. Do you not care about that?"

"Sarah!"

Their argument made Emily scream, wiggle out of her mother's arms and fall to the floor. It wasn't a soft fall, either. Emily's screams turned into cries.

"Honey, you need to be careful!" Alex said as she helped Emily up from the floor "Come on; let's make your boo-boos better, okay?"

"Mom..."

"Daniel, you can go out tomorrow night!" Alex snapped "I'm not arguing anymore about your social life!"

Alex took Emily's small hand and they both left the room. Daniel gave Sarah a nasty look.

"Thanks for leaving tomorrow! Everyone is going to that new hangout place tonight!"

"Oh get over it. It's not the end of the world, you know" Sarah snapped "Now get out of my room if you're not going to help me pack!"

Daniel left Sarah's room. She sighed, and felt so happy that she was leaving for college tomorrow. But at the same time, she wasn't happy.

* * *

Tom walked into the apartment when Alex was setting up the table for supper.

"Geez, are you okay?" Tom asked as he walked over "You look like you had a lot to do today while I was at work"

"I'm fine. It's just two out of our three kids have been driving me crazy"

Tom gave Alex a quick peck on the lip and put his work bag against the wall in the kitchen.

"Only two of them? Can I guess which two?"

"Sure"

"Ummmm, Sarah and Daniel?"

"You got one of them right" Alex said as she placed the last plate on the table.

"Sarah?"

"No, Daniel" Alex replied as she folder her arms "Daniel was constantly asking to go out with his friends tonight while Emily was being the accident prone toddler."

"Wow, I'm surprised that Sarah didn't drive you crazy" Tom said as he sat down at the kitchen table

"She's not going crazy because she's getting ready for college" Alex turned towards the hallway. "Dinner's ready!" she said loudly as she walked into the kitchen to fetch the pasta, while Tom was sitting down. Emily was the first one to walk in the room. When she saw her dad, she was ecstatic.

"Hi Daddy!" Emily said as she ran over and gave him a hug.

"Hi Princess, How are we doing today?" Tom asked as the toddler pulled her chair back and sat down next to Tom.

"My head hurts"

"Why is that?"

"I was running..."

"Didn't we say something about running in the house?" Tom implied as he pushed Emily's chair in. While Emily grabbed her plastic utensils, Sarah walked in.

"How's my older princess?"

"I didn't know I was a princess" Sarah said with a grin as she sat down.

"Oh, that's right. You don't like being called a princess" Tom said "How's your packing going?"

"It's good; I just have to pack the small things..."

"Here's supper" Alex said as she carried a bowl of pasta.

"Pasta again?" Sarah asked with a somewhat disgusted look on her face.

"The last time I checked, my daughter ate pasta."

"I do, but this is the second time in a row that we..."

"Pasta! Yay!" Emily said with a smile on her face.

"Your sister has the right idea" Tom said. Sarah's reaction was to roll her eyes as she got up from the table to get some water.

"Where's Dan?" Tom asked

"I don't know, but he better not be on that computer again" Alex said "Dan! Supper's ready!" When Alex yelled, Sarah came back from the kitchen with a water pitcher.

"Does anyone else want water?"

"I want juice!" Emily said loudly

"Do you want water?" Sarah asked her parents.

"I'm fine. I think I'm going to get a beer" Tom said as he got up from the table.

"I would. Thank you dear" Alex said as Sarah poured water."Daniel! Get out here right now!" Alex screamed

"Do you want me to get the kid?" Sarah asked

"Sarah, just sit down. I'll deal with it...Daniel!"

Alex's last word was definitely ear piercing. Sarah flinched and water splashed on the kitchen floor. Sarah and Tom were cleaning up the water, while Emily still had her hands to her eyes.

"I don't like Mamma yell" Emily said.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry" Alex said as she sat down at her seat "I'm not yelling anymore."

Emily moved her hands away from her ears when Daniel appeared and sat down at the table.

"I didn't think it took forever for you to sit at this table" Alex said as Sarah and Tom came back and sat down in their seats.

"Whatever"

"You know Danny boy, I went to that new hangout last night with Riley and Val..."

"Sarah Lynn..." Alex warned, but it was too late.

"Oh, so you were able to go but I can't?" Daniel spat "Why can't I do anything around here!?"

"Dan, we told you that you can go out tomorrow night."

"Only the geeky kids are going out tomorrow night. All my friends and the cool kids are going out tonight!" Daniel whined.

"Oh, that's funny. I thought you were one of the geeky kids" Sarah joked with a huge grin on her face.

"Sarah!"

"What? Isn't he a nerd?"

"I am not a nerd!" Daniel snapped "You're the one who wants to be a judge in the courtroom!"

"And what is wrong with that?" Alex snapped. Daniel kept his mouth shut and decided not to respond.

"What do you want to be again? A pimp?"

"Sarah Lynn Cabot if you joke about your brother again, you can leave the table!"Alex said loudly in an angry tone.

"Fine, I'll just leave anyways. Hell, I'm leaving tomorrow so it wouldn't matter."

Sarah got up from the table, grabbed her dinner, and walked out of the kitchen. No one said anything while Alex put her hands on her face, trying not to be annoyed with her daughter that was leaving the next day.


	2. First Day there,Last Day here

"Do you have everything?" Tom asked as Sarah got into the car, sitting next to Emily.

"Yeah, I have everything."

Tom started the car, pulled out of the parking space, and started to head off for Sarah's college. The car trip was going to take 2 hours, including Emily's frequent stops to the bathroom.

"Mamma, do you have juice?" Emily asked

"I do. Daniel, can you reach in the back to the cooler and get her juice for me?"Alex asked.

"Sure"

A few minutes later, they were on the highway when Sarah created a clever and funny idea. She knew that she didn't forget anything, but did her parents know?

"Oh crap" Sarah said in a serious voice.

"What?"

"I forgot something..."

"Sarah, we're already on the highway!" Tom said.

"Well I'm sorry! But I forgot my straighter and hair brush in my room!"

"Nice going, stupid" Daniel said

"Daniel, be quiet" Tom said.

"Tom, we might as well go back" Alex said "We're going 10 minutes away from the house."

"Fine"

Tom sighed as he got off the nearest exit. He turned left and found the highway right away. Seconds later, they were heading the opposite direction to go home. Emily was drinking her juice, while Sarah had a huge grin on her face.

"What are you smiling about?" Daniel asked

"Nothing, I swear"

"Swearing is bad!" Emily said

Alex turned around and saw Sarah, who still had the huge grin on her face. She didn't know that her daughter was trying to contain her laughter as well.

"Why are you grinning?"

"Uhhh..."

"Don't even tell me that you pulled a stunt..."

Sarah started laughing and pointed at her mother.

"Ha! The joke's on you and Tom! I didn't forget anything!" Sarah continued laughing, while Daniel quietly laughed to himself. However, Tom and Alex were angry.

"You're making me waste gas in this car because you thought this was funny?" Tom asked loudly.

"I'm making Danny laughing too, though. Come on, the teen is clearly amused by this..."

"I don't care if you're amused by this or not!" Tom roared. This made Emily drop her juice and cry.

"Oh great, you made Emily cry" Sarah said.

"She wouldn't be crying if you didn't pull something like this!" Alex snapped. She then turned to her husband.

"Stop the car"

"Why?"

"We're switching seats"

"I'm not sitting in the back..."

"Either you sit in the back while Sarah sits in the front behaving herself, or she'll put the same sort of stunt an hour from now!"

Tom moved to the side of the road and stopped the car. Alex already knew that Sarah's behavior was reflecting on her view of college; Alex knew that she didn't want to go.

* * *

Emily got out of the car was amazed to see how big everything was. Her mouth was opened and she didn't know. Tom knelt down next to his daughter.

"Surprised?"

"It's all big!"

"That's where the big kids go after high school" Tom said "Come on; let's help Sarah and find her room."

* * *

"Here it is" Sarah said looking at the door in front her "New Home Sweet Home"

She unlocked the room and saw the room. It was empty, but it was hers. She didn't have a roommate, and she could do whatever she wanted with the room. It was her room, but it wasn't. It wasn't the room that she lived in for the past five years. It was a new room that was far away from her family.

"Sarah?"

Sarah shook her head and looked at her mom.

"Sorry, I zoned out."

"Come on; let's set up the room."

* * *

She embraced her mother, and never wanted to let her go. She was going to be hours away from her home, her life, and her family.

"I'm going to miss you" Sarah whispered

"I know, but you can come home whenever you want."

"I know."

That's when Emily got in between the both of them.

"Come home!" Emily cried. Sarah picked up her little sister.

"Hey kid, I'll be back for your birthday, I promise" Sarah said, which made Emily stop crying.

"Pinky promise?"

Sarah put her free hand in front of Emily, with only her pinky sticking up from her hand. Emily's small pinky wrapped around Sarah's and they shook on it. Then Sarah put Emily down on the ground gently. The toddler slowly walked away, and continued to cry. Alex turned back to Sarah.

"I know why you've been difficult for the past month"

"Oh really? I didn't know you were a psychologist" Sarah joked.

"I know that you don't want to go, but I know that you'll like it here" Alex said.

"It's just different. I won't have my mom, step-dad, and step-siblings here with me..."

"But you'll make friends, get involved, and study hard."

"Did you say study hard, or party hard?"

"Don't get smart with me" Alex said sharply, but at least she said a smile on her face.

"Don't worry Mom; I won't party until I'm 21."

"That's a good thing to hear. I'll call you tonight, okay?"

"Okay Mom, I love you."

"I love you too. Talk to you soon."

Alex walked away from Sarah. The young adult stood in the same spot to watch her mom get in the passenger side of the car and shut the door. The car started, and even though the whole family waved to her, Sarah started to cry.


	3. Mistake

Sarah thought that she was going to be a loner for the rest of the day. She thought that her loneliness would make her depressed, and then maybe she would be able to come home. However, a knock on her door changed everything.

She opened the door and saw two girls in front of her. One of them had straight black hair with piercing green eyes that reminded her of her mother. The other girl had curly red hair with light brown eyes. They were smiling at her.

"Hey...uh, Sarah" one of the girls said as they looked at the door for a name.

"Finding my name on the door, classic" Sarah said with a smile on her face "And you are?"

"Stupid freshman, what else would we be?" the red headed girl said "I'm Hilary, and this is Gretchen. We're roommates and we leave next door."

"Cool" Sarah said

"We wanted to ask if you wanted to go to a party tonight."

"Are you serious?"

"We're very serious" Gretchen said "Of course; we'll have to crash it because technically, we're not invited."

"I'll come, why not?" Sarah said "Let me look decent, and I'll come find you in your room."

"Okay, sounds good" Hilary said.

The two girls walked away while Sarah shut the door. Her mother might have killed her if she found out she was partying, but what was one party going to do with Sarah Cabot?

* * *

Sarah remembers getting ready for her first party. She remember going through her closet to find the perfect outfit: jeans and a dress black shirt with a white tank top underneath. She remembers straightening her long, blonde hair and putting makeup on. She remembered leaving the room, locking the door, and walking next door to her new friends' room.

She remembered the three of them leaving the dorm and getting into Hilary's car, since the party was off-campus. She remembers leaving campus, and having an interesting car ride on the way.

Sarah remembered that it took 30 minutes to get to an apartment and actually walked in the apartment. She remembered being asked by Gretchen what she wanted to drink, and Sarah said that it didn't matter. She does remember that after an hour of being at that party, she had at least four drinks. Her brain told her to stop, but she kept on drinking.

She faintly remembers a cute guy hitting on her while she flirted back. She remembered before losing her memory from the alcohol was walking out of the apartment with the guy and getting into his car. She remembered his blonde hair and blue eyes, with the smell of alcohol on his breath. Sarah remembers screaming at him because he was swerving and going really fast on the way back to her college.

The last thing Sarah Cabot remembered was walking back to her room while holding hands with that guy that brought her home.

* * *

Sarah slowly opened her eyes to see the guy sleeping next to her. That's when her eyes snapped open. She realized that he wasn't wearing a shirt.

"Oh God" she thought "Did I, do it with this guy?"

She quietly grabbed the sheet and looked under when she saw that there were both naked.That's when the guy woke up. Sarah thought that he would be surprised, but he seemed really relaxed about the situation.

"Hey Babe, how are you feeling?" he asked

"I...What the hell happened?"

"We hooked up. Don't you know that?"

Sarah suddenly felt fear and angry to the point where he pushed the guy out of her bed. He fell over and hit the floor. He yelped in pain, and quickly recovered to stand up.

"What was that for?"

"Because I just had sex with you and I don't even know you!" Sarah shouted.

"That's what people in college do..."

"Get out" Sarah growled "I never want to see you again."


	4. Noticeable

Alex was surprised with the fact that Sarah hasn't called her in two weeks after she started calling. She wasn't just surprised, but she was worried.

She was sitting on the couch, reading a book when the phone rang. After the first ring, she picked up the phone and brought it to her ear.

"Cabot residence"

"Cabot number 1 is calling"

"Sarah, why are you suddenly calling now? You were supposed to call me the first night!"

"I know. I'm sorry Mom."

"You better be sorry. How's school?" Alex asked as she shut the book and put it next to her.

"It's fine. I...like it here."

"You don't sound convincing."

"Do I have to sound convincing?"

"Yes you are. I'm paying for your college education."

"Oh."

"Are you coming home next week? We're going to celebrate Emily's birthday next Saturday."

"Yeah Mom, I'll be there. Who's getting me after my last Friday class?"Sarah asked.

"I can get you if you want."

"Okay"

"Then I'll be there by 3, okay?"

"Okay Mom, I'll see you then" Sarah said "I need to go. I think that's my next door neighbors knocking on my door."

"You already made friends?" Alex asked in a happy tone.

"Yeah, they're just like me. You'd love them."

"I see..."

"I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too, Mom. Bye."

She heard her mother say goodbye, and then the dial tone appeared in sound. She closed her phone and closed her eyes, because Sarah wasn't sure if she wanted to come home.

* * *

Friday quickly came and when Sarah grabbed her bags for the weekend, she slowly walked out of the residence building. She hasn't had her period yet, and she didn't want to admit that she might be pregnant.

She saw her mother sitting in the car at the edge of the parking lot. She weakly smiled as Alex got out of the car and walked over.

"Do you need help?"

"No, I'm fine."

They both walked to the back of the car. While Alex opened the car door, Sarah put her bags in the back seat. She shut the door and entered the passenger side while Alex got in the driver's side of the car. Alex noticed that Sarah wasn't herself. She wondered why her daughter was so quiet, instead of chatting about the first few weeks of college.

"Are you all right?" Alex asked as she started the car.

"I'm fine, really."

"I hope so. I've never seen you be this quiet before."

Sarah could only nod as she grabbed her ipod from her pocket. The two hour drive home couldn't end any quicker.

* * *

"Sarah's home!"

Emily came running through the kitchen and jumped on Sarah. She had to drop her bags so she didn't fall back and hurt Emily.

"Emily, what did I say about running in the house!?" Alex asked while Sarah held the toddler who turned four years old yesterday.

"Don't worry about it, Mom" Sarah said "We didn't die or anything."

Alex rolled her eyes as she picked up the bags and went into Sarah's room. Sarah took Emily to the living room where Daniel and Tom were watching TV.

"We're watching the usual baseball, I see"

They turned around and saw Sarah in the room.

"Sarah! It's nice of you to finally be home!" Tom said

"Sarah, I want to go down" Emily commanded.

"Okay"

She placed her younger sister to stand on the floor. Emily walked out of the room while Sarah sat down on the couch next to her step-father.

"Who's playing who?" Sarah asked

"Red Sox and Yankees, of course" Tom replied

"Is it the final game?"

"No, it's the second game" Daniel said "Don't you know anything about baseball?"

"No, but I do know about the law since I'm going to be a judge."

"Oh Geez."

"How is college?"Tom asked

"It's fine"

"Just fine? It's not great or excellent?"

"It's fine. I'm still alive, aren't I?" Sarah asked in a semi-annoyed tone as she got up from the couch "God, why is everyone questioning me like I'm in an interrogation or something!?"

Sarah stormed out of the room while both of the guys looked at each other.

"What's her problem?" Daniel asked

"Who knows? Hopefully she'll be in a better mood for Sarah's birthday party tomorrow."


	5. Sarah's Secret Revealed

"Sarah Lynn, you need to wake up! The party's going to start in an hour!"

Sarah slowly opened her eyes and saw that it was already noon. She shut her eyes again, while Alex stripped the sheets off the bed and threw her daughter off the bed by her legs. Sarah fell to the floor, and she wasn't too happy.

"What the hell was that for?" Sarah yelled

"You are not sleeping through Emily's birthday party!" Alex said angrily "Now take a shower and look presentable please!"

Alex stormed out of the bedroom and walked into the kitchen, where Tom was preparing the food.

"Is Sarah up yet?" Tom asked

"If you call it waking up, then yes" Alex snapped

"You had to drag her out of bed, didn't you?"

"Yes, and it wasn't a pleasant time for me...Where's Daniel?"

"That's a very good question"

"You don't know where your own son is?" Alex asked as Emily came running in.

"Look at me Mommy!" Emily said happily as she showed off the pink dress she was wearing. Alex was against wearing the princess dress from the beginning, but she decided to make her daughter happy.

"Wow Emily, you look so pretty" Alex said as she bent her knees so she could be eye-level with her toddler "Do you know where Daniel is, dear?"

"Danny went out..."

Alex got up from her knees, turned around at Tom, and gave him a nasty look.

"What?" Tom asked.

"You let Daniel go out, didn't you?"

"Of course I didn't!"

"Then why isn't he here!?"

"I don't know! I'll call him on his cell phone and tell him to get back over here!"

Tom shouted as he left the room. Alex shook her head in disbelief, but that wasn't the only thing that made her angry.

"Mommy, I think Sarah is still sleeping too" Emily said

"Oh for God's sake..."

Alex quickly left the kitchen and went back to Sarah's room. Sure enough, Sarah was still sleeping. Alex slammed the door and when that didn't wake Sarah up, her rage rose within seconds.

"What the hell is it going to take to get some respect in this house on your sister's birthday!?" Alex roared. That made Sarah jump out of her bed involuntarily and fell to the floor.

"Well now that I got your attention..."

"You know what Mom, I'm sick of your shit" Sarah snapped as she got up from the floor "'Oh, it's Emily's birthday party, so it has to be perfect. Give me a f-"

"What is wrong with you?" Alex asked. Sarah was always excited about Emily's birthday parties, and didn't expect the sudden change of thought.

"There's nothing wrong! I'm fine!" Sarah said as she passed her mother and left the room. But Sarah knew that something was wrong; she knew that she had to be pregnant.

* * *

An hour into the party, Sarah wasn't feeling too well. She felt like puking and her stomach was doing flips for no particular reason.

"Are you okay, my dear?" Sarah's grandmother, who is on Tom's side of the family, asked.

"I'm fine. My stomach is just doing flips"

"That's not good" said one of Alex's many cousins "Did you take any medication? That might help"

"I think I will. Excuse me."

Sarah got up from the couch and walked out of the living room. She went into the kitchen where her mother was finishing the last of the food. When Alex saw her daughter, she knew that Sarah wasn't feeling well.

"Are you okay?"

"Do I look okay to you?" Sarah asked in a sarcastic attitude "My stomach is doing flips on me!"

"Well that's not good. Ask Tom where the medication for that stuff is..."

"Mom, I don't think I can take medication."

Alex quickly turned back to her daughter.

"What do you mean you can't..."

Then it hit her. The mood swings and the sleeping in all made sense, and Alex didn't like the outcome to the problem.

"Sarah Lynn Cabot, if you..."

Suddenly without warning, Sarah puked on the kitchen floor.

"Oh Jesus..."

"First of all, don't use God's name in vain. Second, go in the bathroom and then get yourself in bed! We'll talk later!"

* * *

Sarah was under the covers with a trash can beside the bed. She wanted to hide under her bed sheets forever, because she knew her mom was going to confront her.

"Good thing I puked when I did" Sarah thought, but the thought quickly disappeared as her face went into the garbage can.

That's when Alex and Emily walked into Sarah's room.

"Sarah, I got you something to eat!" Emily said as she ran over to hand her older sister leftovers to the party.

"Can you just put it on the night stand for now, please?" Sarah asked quietly. Emily nodded and placed the paper plate of food on the nightstand.

"Kay Sarah, get better!"

And the toddler ran out and Alex shut the door.

"You're going to yell at me, aren't you?" Sarah asked as Alex walked over to be in Sarah's view.

"You're damn right I'm going to yell at you. What the hell did you do at that college?"

"Mom, I didn't do anything..."

"You're lying to me! Do you know when I know you're lying? Your tone of voice changes to the highest pitch possible..."

"Mom, it could be the flu..."

"That's what I told myself when I was sixteen and pregnant with you.' Oh, it's the flu!' let me tell you how much bullshit that was! Then a few days later, I find out that I'm pregnant with you and I realize how much my life was ruined!" Alex said in an angry voice "And that's how you're going to react too!"

"Mom..."

"Don't Mom me, Sarah Lynn! I'm going to the pharmacy and you're taking a pregnancy test."

"No I'm not..."

"If you're under this roof until tomorrow, then yes you are. There are no exceptions!"

Alex spun around and left the room. She slammed the door, and Sarah started to shed tears. This must have happened when Alex's mom found out she was pregnant; and that's when Sarah realized that she never wanted to be here again. She reached for her cell phone on the nightstand and dialed a number. After the third ring, they picked up.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Gretchen, you need to do me a favor."

"Okay, sure. What is it?"

"Can you come get me at my house if I give you directions?"Sarah asked

"Yeah, sure! What's going on there though?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now..."

"You're going to have to talk eventually..."

"I know" Sarah cut her friend off "Okay, so you want to get on the highway..."

* * *

Before Alex went to bed, she went to check on Sarah when she found that she wasn't there.

"Tom!" Alex cried. Tom came running into the room finding Alex in tears.

"What? Where's Sarah?" he asked

"She must have went back to the college" Alex explained "Damn it, I pushed too hard like my own mother did..."

"Honey, don't worry. We'll make sure that she comes back next weekend."

"She won't want to, especially after what I said to her."

"What did you say?" Tom asked.

"Nothing!"

"It sounds like you said a whole lot of something earlier."

"You heard me?" Alex asked

"I heard the whole conversation."


	6. Crash

Sarah was sitting in her dorm room, waiting for the pregnancy test to confirm her fate. She closed her eyes and thought about the good times with her mom from the first time they met at the airport. Then she opened her eyes and saw that her vision was blurry; she was crying.

Then she looked at the pregnancy test on her desk, and her fate was going to be ruined; she was pregnant.

The first thing she did was to look through the phone book for an abortion clinic in the area.

* * *

Alex couldn't take it anymore. She was sitting at her desk when she decided to take a trip upstate.

She was driving on the highway when she thought about her own past. Alex remembered everything about her birthday, and how she had sex with the boyfriend of more than a year a month earlier. She thought that it would be the end of it but when she puked on the cake, she knew it wasn't. Her mother forced her to take a pregnancy test a few hours later after her party, and that's when both of them found out that Alex was pregnant. Her mother was furious and started screaming at her, telling her that she just ruined her entire life. The options were to get an abortion, or to give it up for adoption; there was no way Alex was able to keep it.

But she wanted it to work. She wanted her boyfriend on her side and possibly start a family. The boyfriend didn't want anything to do with it; when Alex told him that he was pregnant, he said that it was over. This crushed Alex's sixteen year old heart, and she finally realized that no one was going to help her; she was alone.

That's when she decided to give up her daughter for adoption. They were a nice couple that lived nearby at the time who couldn't get pregnant, so Alex gave Sarah Lynn to them. The only thing Alex suggested to them was to let Sarah keep her last name, and they agreed. Her name would be Sarah Lynn Cabot.

Suddenly, Alex's car swerved out of nowhere and went through the guardrail of the highway. It went down the slanted hill and hit a tree from the front.

Alex lost everything.

* * *

Sarah was in Gretchen's and Hilary's room when she heard the news on the TV.

"Breaking news from the channel 7 news room..."

"Oh Geez, I was watching Grey's Anatomy!" Hilary shouted angrily.

"You can't have everything, my dear" Gretchen said as she turned around to watch.

" A red SUV truck swerved into the guardrail of interstate 87 and hit a tree head on down the slanted hill of the highway. The driver seems to be unconscious as rescue tries to save the young woman..."

There was a picture of the truck that was totaled from the front because it hit the tree. Sarah's stomach started to plummet, because that truck looked like her mom's.

"Sarah, isn't that..."

Suddenly, Sarah's cell phone rang. She picked it up, knowing that it was her step-dad.

"Please don't tell me that it was Mom in that accident" Sarah quickly said.

"Unfortunately it is. They just took her out of the truck and is sending her to the hospital down here" Tom explained "Is there any chance that someone can bring you down here and you can stay the rest of the week?"

"Yeah, let me just pack..."

Sarah hung up her phone and got up from the floor.

"Where are you going?" Gretchen asked as Sarah grabbed the door handle.

"I need to pack. That was my mom who hit that tree..."

"I can drive you back home if you want me to" Hilary suggested.

"That would be appreciated, thank you. I'll be back in ten minutes."

* * *

Sarah told Hilary to keep her foot on the gas pedal, and they got to the hospital quicker than the usual time they would get to New York City. Sarah thanked Hilary, shut the door to the car, and ran into the hospital where Tom was meeting her.

"Where's Daniel and Emily?" Sarah asked

"Daniel is babysitting Emily" Tom replied

"Did we hear anything on Mom's condition yet?"

"The last time I heard something, she was in surgery..."

"What!? Oh my god...I wish I wasn't a horrible daughter."

Sarah sat down and buried her face in her hands. She wished that the first night never happened now, because she upset her mom more than anyone else about the pregnancy.

"Don't blame yourself for the accident Sarah. It was a freak accident."

"I don't think it was."

"Why do you say that?"

"I say it because she was driving up to my college, and when she started thinking about her story about being pregnant with me, she lost concentration at the wheel" Sarah explained "Why did this have to happen?"

* * *

Hours later, Tom left to go home but Sarah stayed in the waiting room. She was going to be the first one to see her mother, and Sarah prayed to God that she wasn't dead. The concept of praying was odd, because unlike the rest of the family, Sarah wasn't catholic.

A nurse walked up to Sarah, who was close to falling asleep in the chair.

"Are you here for Alex Cabot?" the nurse asked

"Yeah, she's my mom" Sarah replied as she sat up from her chair "How is she?"

"She's a lucky one. We were able to stop the internal bleeding, and the only thing that anyone has to worry about is one broken leg."

"Can I see her?" Sarah asked

"She currently sleeping at the moment, but you can go in her room if you would like. Follow me."

Sarah got up and followed the nurse down the hall to her mother's room.

"Thank you" Sarah said to the nurse. The nurse only nodded and went on her way to saving patients. Sarah opened the door and saw that her mother was sleeping. She walked over, grabbed a chair and sat next to her mother's bed. She held Alex's hand and soon enough, Sarah was sleeping in the chair.


	7. Hardships

When Alex woke up, her legs were in pain. She cried in pain, which made Sarah wake up. That's when Alex noticed that her daughter was sitting next to her.

"Sarah?"

"Mom, I'm sorry" Sarah said quietly "I shouldn't have been so stupid."

"Honey, what are you talking about?"

"I'm...I'm pregnant Mom."

Alex took a deep breath. She wanted to yell more than do anything, but decided against it. She wasn't going to be like her mom this time.

"Well, I'm sorry for yelling at you on Saturday. I should have been more understanding."

"Mom, anyone who's understanding in that situation scares me. You had a right to be angry at me" Sarah explained.

"No, I didn't. I should have heard the entire story from you. Besides, it could have been the flu."

"Well it wasn't. I'm pregnant; I took a pregnancy test when I went back to school..."

That's when Sarah started to cry. Alex reached to Sarah's blond hair and started to stroke it.

"It's okay, dear. Well, technically it's not. But please don't cry."

"I have to. Do you know what I would be if you died?" Sarah sobbed "I would be lost and have no idea what to do"

"I know."

"I am sorry"

"I know Sarbear"

"The last time you called me that, I was crying because I wanted to commit suicide."

"I know. Do you know what to do with the baby?" Alex asked

"I'm getting an abortion..."

Alex gave her a nasty look.

"Let me tell you something, young lady. I didn't abort you, so that's not even an option."

"Then I don't know what to do" Sarah said quietly "All of this is confusing to me right now."

"I know that feeling..."

"Did you think of abortion when you were pregnant with me?" Sarah asked.

"I thought about it, but then I wondered what good would that do? You're the best thing that ever happened to me ever since you came into my life eight years ago" Alex said "I knew from the first time I met you at that airport, that I made the right choice."

Sarah gave her mom a small smile, and Alex smiled back.

"It will be okay, I promise you. My mom wasn't there for me, but that's not going to be the case for you."

"Thanks...Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think...I can keep it?"

"If that's what you want dear, then yes, you can keep it. I'll help you, and I'm sure that your step-dad will help you too. We all will help you. That's what families do; they help each other out."

* * *

Sarah decided to transfer out of the college and transfer to a community college nearby the apartment. Even though she was pregnant, that wasn't going to stop her from getting an education.

The snow was falling hard on that February day, and Sarah was lying on the couch doing homework. She was about to finish her paper when she felt a sharp pain. She cried in pain and Alex ran out of her room to find Sarah holding to her stomach.

"Sarah, what's wrong?"

"I think...I'm having contradictions!"

"That's not possible! You're only 25 weeks pregnant!"

"Can we not argue about how far along I am and get me to a hospital!?" Sarah screamed

"Okay, come on. Daniel, can you take care of Emily when she gets home from preschool?"

Alex shouted.

"Yeah Mom"

"Okay great! If you or Tom need me, call my phone!"

And Alex helped Sarah out of the apartment.

* * *

The next thing Sarah remembers was waking up in a hospital bed.

"Where...why..."

"You're in the hospital because of your baby" Alex explained.

"Did...did it make it?" Sarah asked.

Alex shook her head "No", and Sarah started to cry. She wanted this more than anything, and God took this gift away.

That's why she didn't believe in God.

* * *

When Sarah was home, she locked herself in her room for days. She didn't eat and slept more than usual. Alex started to worry that either Sarah was going to do something stupid to herself, or Sarah was just going to be part of her bed for the rest of her life.

"Mommy, where's Sarah?" Emily asked when she found Alex sitting on the couch.

"She's in her room."

"Her door is locked!"

"I know."

"I wanna see Sarah" Emily stated.

"I don't think she's in the mood for any visitors."

That's when Emily started a tantrum. She started stomping her feet on the floor and continuously started screaming.

"I wanna see Sarah!" the toddler screamed. Alex knew that she wasn't going to take no for an answer, but she knew that Sarah was depressed.

"You can see Sarah if you stop screaming and stomping your feet..."

"You're lying to me!" Emily shouted "You just want me to shut up!"

"Emily Rose Darago, what did I say about saying that word?" Alex asked sternly.

"It's bad, but I don't care! I wanna see Sarah!"

"Do you know what you're going to see instead of you don't stop? You're going to see the time out chair for the rest of the day."

Emily stopped screaming and looked at her mother.

"You're a meanie!"

That's when the toddler left the room and slammed her own bedroom door. Alex sighed and continued reading; being a mother of three kids was the hardest thing to deal with, especially when one of them is depressed.


	8. Misery

The next day, Alex couldn't stand Sarah being locked in her room. So when she came home from work, the first thing she did was stand in front of Sarah's door. Luckily, no one else was home.

"Sarah, you need to open this door right now!"

Sarah has been in her bedroom for a few days, and the only time she left the bedroom was to go to the bathroom. Alex was worried that her own daughter was dead, but Sarah replied back.

"Leave me alone!"

"No, I'm not going to leave you alone! You need to open this door!" Alex shouted

"Yeah, and what are you going to do if I don't open this door?" Sarah asked

"You really don't want to know..."

Alex left the hallway and went into the kitchen to grab the phone. She dialed a number and didn't have to wait for it to ring.

"Hello?"

"Dear, do you know where that axe of yours is?" Alex asked.

"It's in the second closet in our bedroom. Can I ask why you're asking me this?"

"It's for me to know and you to find out when your step-daughter pays you 200 dollars. I'll see you later."

Alex slammed the phone shut on the receiver and ran to her room. She opened the closet and saw the axe, that was untouched since the family moved back to New York. She grabbed the axe, shut the door, and ran back in front of Sarah's door.

"Sarah Lynn, I'm giving you to the count of three to open this door" Alex stated.

"Who are you talking to? My four year old step-sister?"Sarah asked in an annoyed voice.

"One..."

"I don't see what you're going to do if I don't open this door..."

"Two..."

"Mom, why can't you just leave me alone? Obviously, I'm in pain."

"Three!"

Alex swung the axe over her shoulders and when she swung the axe towards the door,she accidently let go of the axe. Small pieces of wood flew, and when Sarah saw the blade of the axe in her room, she freaked out.

"Holy shit Mom! What the hell are you trying to do!?"

That's when Sarah got out of her bed and opened the door.

"Are you trying to kill me?"

"No, I was trying to save you from being part of your bed sheets!" Alex yelled "I was worried"

"You try having your child die for some random reason, then talk to me..."

"Sarah, I know this is hard for you right now..."

"You have no idea how hard it is!" Sarah screamed as she started to cry "You have no idea what it's like to lose a child! Leave me alone!"

Sarah slammed the door in her mother's face, while Alex sighed. She did know what losing a child was like; she knew more than anything.

* * *

"You broke the door!?" Tom yelled "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Tom came home as Alex was about to finish cooking dinner. Emily was in the living room coloring while Daniel was in his room with the door shut.

"Did you really want that kid to die in her room?" Alex snapped

"No, but you shouldn't be using an axe to open the door!"

"You try having a child when you're sixteen then having to give it up for adoption! I'm sure that since she came back into my life, she's my responsibility! Technically, it's our responsibility since we're married! She's your child too!"

"Alex, what did Sarah say to you this time?" Tom asked "You're rarely yelling at me, and when you do it's usually because Sarah said something harsh."

"It's nothing..."

"Bullshit it's nothing" Tom said as he took silverware and plates out to set the table "Really? Did she say something about you not knowing how hard it is to lose a child?"

Alex nodded.

"She doesn't understand. I wanted to keep her, but my mother wouldn't let me..."

She was about to cry when Tom put down everything and wrapped his arms around her.

"I know. You don't have to tell me" Tom said as he looked at Alex. She looked almost as miserable as Sarah did "Come on; finish cooking dinner, okay?"

"Okay"

Tom walked out of the kitchen, stood in front of Sarah's bedroom door, and peeked in to see Sarah still in bed.

"Young lady, if you think that you're staying in that room for the rest of your life, you're wrong."

Sarah looked up and saw that it was Tom in front of the door.

"You can't make me leave" Sarah said quietly.

"That's what your mother said and look what she did. Supper's going to be ready and you better be out here."

"I'm not hungry..."

"Sarah, let me tell you something. Your mother is very upset..."

"I don't care."

"You should care! She knows what it's like to lose a child. She might have lost in a different way than you did, but she lost you for ten years! Think about that one until supper's ready."

Tom left, and Sarah started to drift back into her memories.

* * *

Even though Tom tried dragging Sarah out of bed for supper, she clung to the sheets of her bed and didn't let go. He gave up and stormed out, but Alex didn't.

Sarah was lying under her sheets when Alex stood in front of the door with leftovers from dinner.

"Sarah, are you hungry?" she asked. She thought that Sarah wouldn't open the door, but seconds later, she did.

"I guess I am. I haven't eaten in a few days..."

Alex handed her the plate and Sarah saw that it was her favorite dish of chicken parmesan.

"I can't believe I missed eating this" Sarah said. All she could do was look at the plate she was holding. She didn't feel like this was reality, only because she was still in her own world of misery.

"Are you all right?" Alex asked as she noticed that her daughter was zoning out.

Sarah snapped out of her world and looked at her mother.

"No..."

That's when Sarah started bawling her eyes out.

"How...How can this happen? I was going to have a kid! Not to mention that I've been treating you like shit..."

Sarah continued to cry as Alex gave her a hug. And a few minutes later, Sarah felt asleep standing up.

* * *

Sarah woke up early the next day to notice that she wasn't in her room. Instead, she was sleeping on the couch in the living room.

"Sarah!"

She opened her eyes slowly to see a small toddler standing in front of her; it was Emily.

"Hey Em"

"Look what I made for you!"

Sarah slowly sat up and saw that Emily was holding a self-made drawing of the both of them.

"Wow, that's really good" Sarah commented as she took the picture from Emily. She looked at it, and wondered if her child would make a drawing like Emily's. That's when Sarah started to cry again.

"Sarah, what's wrong?" Emily asked, but Sarah didn't reply as she continued to cry. That was Alex's cue to enter the room.

"Emily, why don't you make daddy a drawing for when he comes home?" Alex suggested

"Okay Mommy!"

Emily ran out of the room.

"Emily, what did I say about..."

Alex decided not to finish her sentence and sigh as she sat next to her oldest daughter on the couch.

"That kid never seems to understand that you shouldn't run in the house" Alex said. Sarah only nodded as she wiped away her tears.

"This is so hard for me."

"I know; it was for me too. I remember when I was holding you in the hospital before you left with your adoptive family; I never wanted to let you go" Alex said.

"Really?"

"If my mother was more supportive, I would have kept you."

"Yeah, but if you kept me would you have been a successful lawyer and being a boss of many other lawyers who kiss your feet?" Sarah asked. Alex couldn't help but chuckle, because she was right.

"You're right. I guess I might have been stuck living with my mom for the rest of my life with no high school diploma or college degree" Alex said "At least you came back into my life. I'm not sure where I would be or what I'd be doing if I didn't."

"You'd probably deal with the whole mob of people trying to kill you alone. And let's see...you probably wouldn't have met Tom. Or maybe you would have, but it wouldn't have been that interesting since I didn't like him that much" Sarah continued on "You might have been married to him, and would only have two kids instead of three. Let's face it; it wouldn't have been that interesting without me."

"You're right, my life wouldn't be as interesting" Alex said "Remember that time we went to the beach and you scared Daniel because you told him there were sharks in the lake..."

"And then i scratched him with my fingernails and he thought a shark bit him?

Yeah, those were good times."

"You were a troublemaker those days..."

"Mom, if I didn't miraculously come into your life, do you think I would try to find you?"Sarah asked.

"I don't know, would you?"

"I think I would. I mean I had parents, but I would always wonder who my real parents were" Sarah explained "Then again, I'm glad that I found you when I did. At least I was still a kid."

"Yes you were. You were my kid and you still are my kid" Alex said with a smile on her face. She noticed that Sarah looked exactly like she did when she was that age, and she couldn't help to be thankful to have Sarah in her life.


End file.
